Marry Me

I fell in love with you before I even saw you, before I even heard your voice.  Your words captured my heart, and they weren’t even romantic words, then. Yet.  But they were the words of a gentle/strong man, a gentle man, a gentleman.  I try re-reading those emails to see where exactly we fell into each other, at what point did we surrender to that knowing…..but I don’t know when exactly it happened.  I like to think that that knowing, that hidden sense, was always there, waiting to be discovered.  Patiently waiting. 

I’m a woman, just an ordinary woman, you’re a man, just like any other.  So what occurs for two souls to recognize each other and become extraordinary, unlike any other?  What happens to make it that each is unique for the other? For me, I saw in your writings the man you’ve proven yourself to be:  strong of heart and yes, of body, protective, generous, supportive, caring and most of all, vulnerable.  But you’re not TRYING to be these things, you ARE those things.  And perhaps, looking back, it’s your vulnerability that drew me in.   You weren’t trying to hide it, nor were you trying to display it.  It’s a part of you that I could see in your words, in your letters to me, in your emails, and eventually I heard it in your voice that first time we spoke.  I heard your heart, rejoicing in loving me.  I heard your mind running ahead with thoughts and ideas, coming through the wire. 

I fall in love with you every day.  When I get up early in the morning before everyone else and plug in the kettle for tea, realizing that you have filled it up the night before, just for me.  When you apologize for something you did that you sense has irritated me (I know, I’m working on relaxing).  When you face your day with a smile and send us off with a cheerful heart, watching us go while you stay home, waiting waiting waiting for all the red tape to be cut through so that you can find work and feel you are contributing in a way that you’re accustomed…. Be reassured, my dear husband, that I don’t pay no mind to that, I know that it will come in good time.  But I bet there are many days when  you don’t feel like being cheerful…. you never let it show. 

I fall in love with you when I see and hear you with the kids, creating bonds with them, laughing and being goofy, and I can tell that you are relishing those moments with them, that being close to them brings you closer  to me. 

I fall in love with you when I see you write, I fall in love with you when I feel I’m a part of that passion for you.  

I fall in love with you in those difficult times when we have disagreements, when even the passing of the night doesn’t bring understanding…..only when we glance furtively at each other over breakfast, and with great relief, our eyes ask for and give forgiveness.   Even when we hurt each other with incisive and ill-spoken words, consciously and unconsciously, I fall in love with you because I know that forgiveness is on its way.   Forgiveness and an open, embracing spirit is not something you learn alone.   You are my teacher.  With you, as it was in the beginning of our courtship, as it is now in our first married year, there is room for making mistakes and being quick to forgive.  I am always learning with you. 

I fall in love with you falling in love with me.   I’ve never been someone’s passion.   May I always be the woman you need, the one you can’t get enough of.   May I always be the best friend you can’t wait to see and share those little daily things that may be mundane to others but that mean so much to us.  May I always be the gal you want to eat popcorn with at the movies, the one you can’t wait to curl up in bed with at night to read to and talk with.   May I always be your Hippie Chick, and may Led Zeppelin always play in the background of your thoughts.  May I always make you want to make me laugh, because a woman can be serious for only so long.  May I always remember to let you take care of me, teaching me that there is great joy in being cared for.

This is for you, my Love, my Hero, my Knight in shining armour, my Leading Man….happy first anniversary, Honey.

True Companion

(Click on the the link, it will take you to YouTube, for a special tribute to my Love).

I love you, Mr. C.

Chantal xoxoxoxo